1. Pat

    Pat Well-Known Member I am in new_zealand

    855
    516
    113
    Map
  2. AndycruiserguyLomas

    AndycruiserguyLomas Well-Known Member I am in england

    3,370
    675
    113
    Map
    Just been to the A&E with a golf ball stuck up me arse. I asked the doctor if he could remove it. He said he doesn't think so it's up a fairway.
     
    Pat, notsodusty and clivehorridge like this.
  3. notsodusty

    notsodusty Well-Known Member I am in australia

    531
    225
    43
    Map
    A toothless termite walk into a bar and asked..

    "Is the bar tender here? " ...................................... boom boom .
     
  4. notsodusty

    notsodusty Well-Known Member I am in australia

    531
    225
    43
    Map
  5. hopeless wanderer

    hopeless wanderer Well-Known Member I am in england

    561
    336
    63
    Map
    A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
    "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
    "Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered.
    "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a
    gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to
    leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the
    largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face,
    kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the
    ground.
    I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the **** out of all of you!"
    St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
    "Just a couple minutes ago."
     
  6. notsodusty

    notsodusty Well-Known Member I am in australia

    531
    225
    43
    Map
    I said to the missus:

    Be honest. What would you really like to do with my body.

    She replied: Identify it.

    WTF!
     
    Pat likes this.
  7. Chas

    Chas Well-Known Member I am in england

    15,502
    2,912
    113
    Garage:
    Map
    A young couple Harlan and Goldie had just finished having remarkable sex.
    Afterwards, Goldie looked in the box of condoms and saw that it was empty. She asked her boyfriend, “What happened to the two other condoms?”


    Harlan rather nervously and shiftily replied, “Ummm, I played by myself with them.”


    The next day Goldie went to one of her male friends and told him what had happened. Then she said to her friend, “Have you ever done that?”


    Her friend replied, “Yeah, a few times.”


    Gloria said, “You mean you’ve actually masturbated with a condom before?”


    “Oh! Sorry, I misunderstood,” he said, “I thought you were asking if I had ever lied to my girlfriend.”
     
    Pat, Shayne, clivehorridge and 2 others like this.
  8. Chas

    Chas Well-Known Member I am in england

    15,502
    2,912
    113
    Garage:
    Map
    Doctor:
    "I have good news and bad news."

    Patient:
    "Tell me Doc what's the bad news?"

    Doctor:
    "I'm afraid you have Alzheimers disease."

    Patient:
    "Christ, what's the good news?"

    Doctor:
    "At least you can go home and forget about it."

    Patient:
    "Forget about what."
     
    Pat, hopeless wanderer and notsodusty like this.
  9. notsodusty

    notsodusty Well-Known Member I am in australia

    531
    225
    43
    Map
  10. Chas

    Chas Well-Known Member I am in england

    15,502
    2,912
    113
    Garage:
    Map
    A German, a Frenchman and a Brit are at lunch, and the Brit and Frenchman are wrangling over who has the most beautiful language.
    The Brit says, "Butterfly, now doesn't that just conjure a picture of a lovely creature, all colors, flitting and fluttering about? What could be more beautiful?"
    The Frenchman snorts, "Clumsy! Papillion, now that even sounds like the clap of delicate wings!"
    The German, fed up by now with all this, slaps a hand in the table and growls, "Und vot, I ask, is wrong mit schmetterling?"
     
    clivehorridge likes this.
  11. Pat

    Pat Well-Known Member I am in new_zealand

    855
    516
    113
    Map
  12. AndycruiserguyLomas

    AndycruiserguyLomas Well-Known Member I am in england

    3,370
    675
    113
    Map
    David Beckham's 2nd son arrived for football training.

    He asked the coach "What number shirt am I?"

    The coach said "Wear four out there Romeo"....
     
  13. flint

    flint Well-Known Member Supporter I am in great_britain

    780
    398
    63
    Map
    Geroan !!
     
    clivehorridge and Pat like this.
  14. Chas

    Chas Well-Known Member I am in england

    15,502
    2,912
    113
    Garage:
    Map
    Good to see you're keeping up your usual standard Andy.
     
  15. AndycruiserguyLomas

    AndycruiserguyLomas Well-Known Member I am in england

    3,370
    675
    113
    Map
    Police attending an incident in Liverpool returned to their car to find it up on bricks

    Officers are working tyrelessly to find the culprit.
     
    clivehorridge and Pat like this.
  16. Chas

    Chas Well-Known Member I am in england

    15,502
    2,912
    113
    Garage:
    Map
    You're slipping Andy.
     
Don't like the adverts? Become a supporter

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice