I went into my local Chinese takeaway last night and got talking to the owner of the shop. 'What you do for a riving, then?', he said. 'What do I do for a living, you mean?' ... 'Yes..' 'I'm a comedian', I replied. 'Go on then, change colour', he said 'No! I'm not a chameleon, I'm a comedian' 'Oh right, tell me joke then. Make me raff', he said. Just then in the kitchen, I noticed his wok was on fire with my meal in it. 'Wok! Wok!', I shouted. 'Who's dare..', he said. Sod this, I thought. I'm off to the Indian.