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Only in South Africa
- Thread starter Chas
- Start date
Chas
Well-Known Member
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Saffa. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.
"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."
The sheik turns to the Englishman and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik.
He then turned to the Irishman and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the Saffa,"And you, what do you do for a living?" thinking quickly he answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."
The sheik turns to the Englishman and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik.
He then turned to the Irishman and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the Saffa,"And you, what do you do for a living?" thinking quickly he answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
Seen a lot before - yep, funny stuff in some cases. Chas - you'd fall about laughing at Ronnies Sex Shop on Route66 through the Klein Karoo!
Chas
Well-Known Member
An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African are in a bar one night, having a beer. All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says, In Sath Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don’t need to drink from the same one twice.”
The Aussie, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says,
“Well mate, in Straaaaailia we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don’t need to drink out of the same glass twice either.”
The Englishman, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the South African and the Australian and then says,
“In London we have so many f***ing South Africans and Australians that we don’t need to drink with the same ones twice.”
The Aussie, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says,
“Well mate, in Straaaaailia we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don’t need to drink out of the same glass twice either.”
The Englishman, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the South African and the Australian and then says,
“In London we have so many f***ing South Africans and Australians that we don’t need to drink with the same ones twice.”
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nice Chas. but you may be at Crosse Keys (and Lincomb) alone soon 
Dark Dude
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Cossack said:An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African are in a bar one night, having a beer. All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says, In Sath Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don’t need to drink from the same one twice.”
The Aussie, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says,
“Well mate, in Straaaaailia we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don’t need to drink out of the same glass twice either.”
The Englishman, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the South African and the Australian and then says,
“In London we have so many f***ing South Africans and Australians that we don’t need to drink with the same ones twice.”
I didn't want t laugh at the jokes (both of them), I really tried my best but I couldn't help it. I suppose it's the way you tell it!
John
SimonD
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- Mar 15, 2010
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- 650
- Country Flag
Chas that is soooooooo 1960s.... check the stats Brits are flocking to Oz. And if you don't believe that, log onto LCOOL and see how many people are discussing emigrating to the UK and compare it to this site in reverse. And yes, I'm still trying to work out why i'm still here.
I live in mortal fear of going back there only to find the beer is getting warmer.....
Graham
Well-Known Member
.Cossack said:An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African are in a bar one night, having a beer. All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says, In Sath Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don’t need to drink from the same one twice.”
The Aussie, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says,
“Well mate, in Straaaaailia we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don’t need to drink out of the same glass twice either.”
The Englishman, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the South African and the Australian and then says,
“In London we have so many f***ing South Africans and Australians that we don’t need to drink with the same ones twice.”
.
You can depend on Chas, ,,,,,, ,,,,,, ,,
Good one.
Gra.
Chas
Well-Known Member
It's not real, it's only a joke SimonSimonD said:
And yes, I'm still trying to work out why i'm still here.
So because I've spent alot of time in and around Botswana, and really love the country, I read The Ngami Times online every week - alovely, parochial newspaper full of Africa in all her glory, and fantastically evocative. Anyway, Maun where the newspaper is from, is a serious little village, on the edge of the wilderness, and has always been a bit of a 'frontier' town, with all the quirky characters that frequent such places - a sort of 21st century throw-back to the wild west, in some ways.
They've finally made it into the main-stream though by installing street lights, and now - traffic lights (or 'robots' as we Southern Africans love to call them ...) and this article is in the latest edition of the paper:
Maun motorists ‘to have difficulty using traffic lights'
By Lesley Van Neel
Fifty percent of motorists in Maun are not familiar with traffic lights and traffic police are concerned that while traffic lights being installed on Maun roads will help to control key junctions, motorists will have difficulties in using them.
District Traffic Officer, Superintendent Magudu, has told The Ngami Times that his division is planning to educate local drivers on the safe utilisation of the newly erected lights. This, he said, will be done through traffic reports on radio, through kgotla meetings, and at road blocks.
He fears that lack of knowledge of the usage of traffic lights may result in fatal accidents, and “excitement might also lead to an increase in fatal accidents.” Magudu urged drivers to be vigilant, to avoid accidents and they must, when at traffic lights, drive with the mentality that other drivers might turn even if they do not have right of way.
Meanwhile, learner drivers have welcomed the traffic lights.
Individuals who were interviewed at local driving schools said this would diminish fear of driving in cities like Francistown and Gaborone as they would know how to use the traffic lights.
Coordinators at driving schools do not find any necessity in having to change the way they teach learner drivers.
One coordinator told The Ngami Times that they have been covering the issue of traffic lights indirectly through road markings.
He said there are road markings that regulate drivers at 4-way stops and when a student knows what to do at theses stops, then they will be able to drive through traffic lights, the only difference now being that they are no longer controlled by the markings but by the lights.
I just love this quote:
“excitement might also lead to an increase in fatal accidents.”
And this one makes me wonder if he was talking about cyclists in Edinburgh as well, coz we seem to have similar statistics with them:
Fifty percent of motorists in Maun are not familiar with traffic lights
They've finally made it into the main-stream though by installing street lights, and now - traffic lights (or 'robots' as we Southern Africans love to call them ...) and this article is in the latest edition of the paper:
Maun motorists ‘to have difficulty using traffic lights'
By Lesley Van Neel
Fifty percent of motorists in Maun are not familiar with traffic lights and traffic police are concerned that while traffic lights being installed on Maun roads will help to control key junctions, motorists will have difficulties in using them.
District Traffic Officer, Superintendent Magudu, has told The Ngami Times that his division is planning to educate local drivers on the safe utilisation of the newly erected lights. This, he said, will be done through traffic reports on radio, through kgotla meetings, and at road blocks.
He fears that lack of knowledge of the usage of traffic lights may result in fatal accidents, and “excitement might also lead to an increase in fatal accidents.” Magudu urged drivers to be vigilant, to avoid accidents and they must, when at traffic lights, drive with the mentality that other drivers might turn even if they do not have right of way.
Meanwhile, learner drivers have welcomed the traffic lights.
Individuals who were interviewed at local driving schools said this would diminish fear of driving in cities like Francistown and Gaborone as they would know how to use the traffic lights.
Coordinators at driving schools do not find any necessity in having to change the way they teach learner drivers.
One coordinator told The Ngami Times that they have been covering the issue of traffic lights indirectly through road markings.
He said there are road markings that regulate drivers at 4-way stops and when a student knows what to do at theses stops, then they will be able to drive through traffic lights, the only difference now being that they are no longer controlled by the markings but by the lights.
I just love this quote:
“excitement might also lead to an increase in fatal accidents.”
And this one makes me wonder if he was talking about cyclists in Edinburgh as well, coz we seem to have similar statistics with them:
Fifty percent of motorists in Maun are not familiar with traffic lights
Chas
Well-Known Member
Gary Stockton said:And this one makes me wonder if he was talking about cyclists in Edinburgh as well, coz we seem to have similar statistics with them:
Fifty percent of motorists in Maun are not familiar with traffic lights
