Jokes

[Towpack]

Keep a bottle of this in your tool kit!

Oil additive

 

[AndycruiserguyLomas]

 

[Towpack]

 

[AndycruiserguyLomas]

 

[AndycruiserguyLomas]

 

[AndycruiserguyLomas]

 

[Gav missin]

Still have less damage than your 80 series the other week mate

 

[Towpack]

 

[Towpack]

 

[notsodusty]

View attachment 338171

 

[frank rabbets]

What do you call a Gorilla with a gun?








Sir.

 

[flint]

 

[AndycruiserguyLomas]

This one is laugh out loud.

 

[AndycruiserguyLomas]

 

[AndycruiserguyLomas]

Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.
He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Mitre 10 and pick up a hinge.
Mary agreed to go.
While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom toilet.
When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is that toilet?"
The manager replied, "That's a gold plated toilet and the price is $500.00.
Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that is a very expensive toilet.
It's certainly out of my price bracket."
She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy.
The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one.
From the storeroom the manager yelled.
"Ma'am, do you wanna screw for the hinge
Mary paused for a moment and then shouted back, "No, but I will for the toilet .

 

[AndycruiserguyLomas]

A man was tired of being bossed around by his wife, so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He finished the book by the time he reached his house.
The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that - I - am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The funeral director," his wife replied.

 

[AndycruiserguyLomas]

 

[Towpack]

Picked up a bargain on Ebay the other day, a brand new wig fir £1.50. It was a small price toupee.

 

[AndycruiserguyLomas]

Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel, Coot and Bluey.
As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Hey mate, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife..
Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.
Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?'
'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gives you a case of beer?'
'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says.
'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."
She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.'
Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are.'
Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff...

 

[GeekOKent]

Not sure if this fits in, but ....