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SteveJB

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if we stayed with imperial measures ie gallons and pounds shillings and pence how much would a gallon cost today using the past 30 years inflation rates i must admit that is a lot of maths and lots of time to do not expecting any results from this just wondering but don't half miss half a crown and ten bob notes silver sixpence thrupence hapenney and the occasional florin aye when I were but a yung un
 
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Chas

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Mar 15, 2010
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if we stayed with imperial measures ie gallons and pounds shillings and pence how much would a gallon cost today using the past 30 years inflation rates i must admit that is a lot of maths and lots of time to do not expecting any results from this just wondering but don't half miss half a crown and ten bob notes silver sixpence thrupence hapenney and the occasional florin aye when I were but a yung un
Litres, gallons, it would still cost the same bang for buck.
I love the old coins, somewhere I still have a bank plastic money bag full of old 'tanners' and on my Mums old charm bracelet I've got a silver fourpenny bit.
 
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Chas

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I said to the baker “how come all your cakes are 50p but that one is a £1?”

He said “that’s Madeira cake”

I'll get my coat.
 

AndycruiserguyLomas

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Nov 19, 2010
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I went to a pub yesterday evening and ordered a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I asked him for the wifi code because I needed to check a message.
"Oh no" he said, "No wifi in here, people used to sit talking in pubs, about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot. Now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see. Therefore, no wifi in this pub."
"You know what?" I replied, "You're right" and I put my phone away.
"Thank you", the landlord said "In this pub I want you to act as you would twenty years ago".
So I lit a cigarette, gave him 50p for the pint and said "Two can play at that game mate."
 

Chas

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A Muslim couple, preparing for their wedding, meet the Mullah for counselling. He asks if they have any last questions before they leave.

The man asks, "We realize it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women.
But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together.
"Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately."

"So, after the ceremony, I can't even dance with my own wife?" says the man.

"No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam.”

"Well, okay," says the man,"What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"

"Of course!" replies the Mullah, "Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!"

"What about different positions?"asks the man.

"No problem,"says the Mullah.

"Woman on top?"

"Sure," says the Mullah."Go for it!"

"Doggy style?" "Sure!” "On the kitchen table?" "Yes, yes!"

"Can we do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?"

"You may indeed!"

"Can we do it standing up?"

"Absolutely not!" says the Mullah."

"Why not?" asks the man.

"It could lead to dancing!"
 

AndycruiserguyLomas

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Now for as long as I can remember I've been a fan of 70s glam rockers The Sweet. I mentioned this to my mate Buster who was also a fan. Now I'm no wiz with technology but my mate keeps sending me old videos of the band infact every day at least 3 times a day.
Does anyone know the way , there's got to be a way to block buster.?
 

Chas

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Now for as long as I can remember I've been a fan of 70s glam rockers The Sweet. I mentioned this to my mate Buster who was also a fan. Now I'm no wiz with technology but my mate keeps sending me old videos of the band infact every day at least 3 times a day.
Does anyone know the way , there's got to be a way to block buster.?
Ah! memories.
 

Chas

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The neighbours have been complaining that my dog has been barking non-stop. I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I purchased a humane citronella collar.
When a dog barks, it shoots a blast of citronella under their nose and apparently they don't like it.
This morning I was getting the collar ready and filled it with the citronella liquid. And that's where my morning should have ended.
But no, it's me, and I begin to become curious as to “how” the collars actually work.
So I'm standing by my back door "barking" at my dog's collar.
Nothing happens. I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" check list one more time.
Again, I bark. Nothing happens. Now I'm not quite sure why I had this next thought, but I did...I put the collar on.
I extended the band and fitted the growl box against my throat and barked. Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face.
I began coughing, which only caused the collar to continue squirting bug spray over and over into my nasal cavity. I'm now on my hands and knees in my back garden, trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, the damn dog is barking.
So between coughing and yelling at him to shut up, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face. During all of this commotion, I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld itself shut during this whole fiasco.
I finally get the collar off and threw that thing across the garden, and lay in the grass sucking in the cool morning air. In the middle of thinking this is probably the dumbest thing I've done in a while, I hear laughter.
MY NEIGHBOUR SAW THE WHOLE THING!
He was laughing so damn hard he couldn't breathe. Between gasps, he tells me, "I was gonna come help, but every time I started to climb over the fence, you'd set it off again and then I would start laughing and couldn't make it." So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. After checking to make sure I was ok, we parted ways and I went in to shower so I wouldn't smell like Eau de' citronella!.
Lesson learned: next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) make sure that.
.
1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off.
2. Remember your neighbour is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation.
On the plus side, I won't have a mosquito problem for a few days!
Even though this might sound like some stupid thing I'd do, I don't actually have a dog,
I hate to break the news that it's a copied story that gave me a good laugh so feel free to do the same.
 
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AndycruiserguyLomas

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This is a story of self-control and marksmanship. A woman survived a grizzly bear attack with one well-placed shot from her itsy bitsy .25 caliber Beretta Jetfire. These are her own words.
While out hiking in Missoula, Montana with my boyfriend, we were surprised when a huge grizzly bear came charging at us out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire I would not be here today!
I yanked it out of my purse and fired one shot. It hit my boyfriend in his kneecap and the bear caught him easily. While the grizzly mauled the poor cripple, I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
I love that pistol. I'll find other boyfriends
 

Chas

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Mar 15, 2010
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A while back I started a new job, in the wine section at Tesco's, didn't last long though, an immigrant chappie asked if I could reccomend a good port, apparently Dover was not the correct response.
 
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