Jokes
- Thread starter Chas
- Start date
Picked this stray dog up at the side of the A48 today, nice and friendly, Will check out his chip if he ever stops laughing .....
What do you call a woman who can juggle five pints and play snooker with her feet at the same time?
"Beatrix Potter"
"Beatrix Potter"
There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink, when a very large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down:
Then he says menacingly. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?"
I burst into tears.
"Come on, man." The biker says. "I didn't think you'd CRY, I can`t stand to see a man crying."
I said to him. "This is the worst day of my life, I'm a complete failure. I was late for a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. Ileft my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me. So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a poison capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve, then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going!
Then he says menacingly. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?"
I burst into tears.
"Come on, man." The biker says. "I didn't think you'd CRY, I can`t stand to see a man crying."
I said to him. "This is the worst day of my life, I'm a complete failure. I was late for a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. Ileft my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me. So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a poison capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve, then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going!
A bloke goes in a sex shop and asks for a blow up doll,
The assistant says “Male or female?”
“Female please”
“Black or white?”
“White”
“Christian or Muslim?”
The man says what difference does that make?”
“The Muslim one blows itself up”
The assistant says “Male or female?”
“Female please”
“Black or white?”
“White”
“Christian or Muslim?”
The man says what difference does that make?”
“The Muslim one blows itself up”