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Jokes
- Thread starter Chas
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- Joined
- Nov 19, 2010
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Picked this stray dog up at the side of the A48 today, nice and friendly, Will check out his chip if he ever stops laughing .....
- Joined
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Michael Montgomery
Well-Known Member
Michael Montgomery
Well-Known Member
Michael Montgomery
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2010
- Messages
- 6,245
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There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink, when a very large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down:
Then he says menacingly. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?"
I burst into tears.
"Come on, man." The biker says. "I didn't think you'd CRY, I can`t stand to see a man crying."
I said to him. "This is the worst day of my life, I'm a complete failure. I was late for a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. Ileft my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me. So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a poison capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve, then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going!
Then he says menacingly. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?"
I burst into tears.
"Come on, man." The biker says. "I didn't think you'd CRY, I can`t stand to see a man crying."
I said to him. "This is the worst day of my life, I'm a complete failure. I was late for a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. Ileft my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me. So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a poison capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve, then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going!
Chas
Well-Known Member
A bloke goes in a sex shop and asks for a blow up doll,
The assistant says “Male or female?”
“Female please”
“Black or white?”
“White”
“Christian or Muslim?”
The man says what difference does that make?”
“The Muslim one blows itself up”
The assistant says “Male or female?”
“Female please”
“Black or white?”
“White”
“Christian or Muslim?”
The man says what difference does that make?”
“The Muslim one blows itself up”
Michael Montgomery
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2010
- Messages
- 6,245
- Country Flag
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2010
- Messages
- 6,245
- Country Flag
Chas
Well-Known Member
A teacher tells her students that today we discuss our parents occupations.
Freddy says, "My dad is a BAKER. My family have been bakers for two
hundred years. I'm going to be a baker when I leave school."
Jack says, "My daddy is a bookie who takes bets on horses, dogs, boxing
and lots of other things."
Muhadati Muhoranga (Black from Africa?) says, "My dardee he bees a
sheeropowdeest and hee de plays wiv de feet."
After the teacher has a similar answer from all the students, she says,
"Great kids. Tomorrow we will go round again and each one of you will
learn how to spell the profession of your parents and show us an example of
their profession."
The next day the teacher started with Freddy.
Freddy says, " You spell BAKER as bee, ay, kay, ee, why. And here is a big fruit loaf as an example of my family's profession."
Jack says, "You spell BOOKIE as bee, oh, oh, kay, eye, ee. And here is a piece of paper as an example of my family's profession."
Jack hands a folded piece of paper to the teacher. The teacher unfolds it
and reads the words out to the class:
25/1 THAT THE BL*CK KID IN THE CORNER CAN'T SPELL CHIROPODIST!
Freddy says, "My dad is a BAKER. My family have been bakers for two
hundred years. I'm going to be a baker when I leave school."
Jack says, "My daddy is a bookie who takes bets on horses, dogs, boxing
and lots of other things."
Muhadati Muhoranga (Black from Africa?) says, "My dardee he bees a
sheeropowdeest and hee de plays wiv de feet."
After the teacher has a similar answer from all the students, she says,
"Great kids. Tomorrow we will go round again and each one of you will
learn how to spell the profession of your parents and show us an example of
their profession."
The next day the teacher started with Freddy.
Freddy says, " You spell BAKER as bee, ay, kay, ee, why. And here is a big fruit loaf as an example of my family's profession."
Jack says, "You spell BOOKIE as bee, oh, oh, kay, eye, ee. And here is a piece of paper as an example of my family's profession."
Jack hands a folded piece of paper to the teacher. The teacher unfolds it
and reads the words out to the class:
25/1 THAT THE BL*CK KID IN THE CORNER CAN'T SPELL CHIROPODIST!
Michael Montgomery
Well-Known Member
Michael Montgomery
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2010
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- 6,245
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